22 September 2014

Pirates of the Caribbean - On Stranger Tides


Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides 2001
  • Directors: Robb Marshall
  • Based on the book by Tim Powers
  • Cast: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz,  Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane, Kevin McNally, Sam Claflin, Astrid Bergès-Frisbey, Keith Richards, Richard Griffiths, Anton Lesser, Roger Allam
  • Personal “oh yeah him/her” reaction, i.e. have seen this actor in:
    • Johnny Depp  Nightmare on Elm Street, Platoon, Slow Burn, Cry-Baby, Edward Scissorhands, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, Arizona Dream, Benny and Joon, Ed Wood, Don Juan DeMarco, Dead Man, Nick of Time, Donnie Brasco, The Brave, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Astronaut’s Wife, Sleepy Hollow, The Man Who Cried, Chocolat, Blow, From Hell, Lost in La Mancha, Pirates of the Caribbean (all four of them), Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Secret Window, Finding Neverland, Libertine, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Sweeney Todd, The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, Public Enemies, Alice in Wonderland, The Tourist
    • Penelope Cruz - Nine, Elegy, Todo sobre mi madre, Blow
    • Geoffrey Rush – Pirates of the Caribbean 1-4, The King’s Speech, Elizabeth, Elizabeth the Golden Age, Intolerable Cruelty, Ned Kelly, The Banger Sisters, Frida, Lantana, Shakespeare in Love, Les Miserables, Shine, Twelfth Night
    • Kevin McNally – Downton Abbey, Pirates 1-4, Valkyria, Shackleton, Sliding Doors, I Claudius
    • Sam Claflin –The Hunger Games Catching Fire
    • Richard Griffiths – Harry Potter, The Merry Wives of Windsor, Sleepy Hollow, Gandhi, The French Lieutenant’s Woman, Withnail and I, Comedy of Errors.
    • Anton Lesser – Endeavor, The Girl in the Café, Twelfth Night, King Lear, Troilus and Cressida
    • Roger Allam – The Tempest (in London at the Globe), Endeavor, The Woman in Black, The Queen, V for Vendetta, Tristram Shandy
  • Why? JD. 40 in the JD marathon (39 is The Tourist which I reviewed some time ago. See the side bar for that review and its update.)
  • Seen:  Once before. Now: September 19, 2014
Does it really matter what the story is?  Captain Jack Sparrow is back. Two of him. One of whom is his old girlfriend Angelica.  After some swashbuckling in London they head off in search of the Fountain of Youth, in a race between Angelica’s father Blackbeard, Captain Jack’s old nemesis Barbossa and the Spanish.
In the first three Pirates films the lack of comprehensible story has not mattered because the characters and the action were so fun. Sadly, not so in this one.  I doze off in the first hour. The mermaids wake me up but I can’t understand why they have to be so vicious.
Captain Jack is funny as always but he doesn’t get much screen time. The rest is quite tedious. Especially the stupid love story between the preacher and the mermaid. I mean, come on.
It’s visually impressive at times and the theme song, the few times it comes, still stirs. But generally it is, I fear, quite ho hum.
The best bit lasted two seconds. Judi Dench in the shortest cameo in history, out acting everyone else in those two seconds.  Anton Lesser and Roger Allam are both listed but I only catch the briefest glimpse of Lesser and none at all of Allam. A pity.
Penelope Cruz adds zero sparkle and nil romance. No wonder Captain Jack left her. I miss Elizabeth and Will. This comes nowhere near the first three. But Depp and Dench in the same film give it

2 * of 5


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